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| I'm not sure how many people can look in the mirror every day and be truly happy with who they are. I used to be one of those miserable people--you know, the ones who look in the mirror analyzing every flaw until there is nothing left to pick apart.
That used to be me. I seriously would look in the mirror and was able to see how miserable I was.
But lately, even though school has never been so stressful, I'm also incredibly relaxed. It's not the end of the world if I don't wear make up to school one day. No one will care if I skip lunch to study. As long as I'm happy now, that's all that should really matter.
I used to worry what people thought about me, day and night. Do my friends like me? Do the prettiest girls in the school think I'm pretty? It was stuff like that that was just eating me away. I rarely smiled, and when I did, I never meant it. I think my relationship with Ted, as I've said before, was the downfall of my happiness. I put so much effort into him, just one person, liking me, that I forgot who I was. I stressed about our relationship, grew angry when he didn't call, and was miserable when we fought (which was every day).
But now, I've moved on. I've met other guys and started really falling for one of my best friends. He always makes me smile, no matter how upset I am. And I don't stress about the status of our relationship every 5 seconds. I trust him and I know that when things finally fall together, I'll be happier then I've ever imagined.
So this is to all those girls out there that think breaking up is the worst thing in the world. This is for all those girls who are obsessed with being perfect.
Just be yourself. And if your friends don't like you for who you are, go find some new ones.
Always here (and finally smiling again),
Jess
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| As always, I apologize for not updating sooner. I'm going to try and write in this more often--I just never have the time.
A lot has changed in my life since the last entry, and I can honestly say I'm not unhappy about it.
Teddy and I finally broke up. He was the one who initiated the break up, but I think I would have done it sooner or later. After dating for almost 2 years, you would think that I would have been completely devastated. And the thing is, I was at first. The day we broke up I was totally heart-broken. I felt lost and confused and had no idea how I was going to survive without him. I spent the entire night thinking about our relationship, and it was funny, because I honestly couldn't find many positives. As the days and weeks passed after we broke up, I realized how unhappy I was in that relationship. I had been too afraid to be myself, and I suddenly felt free. It was like this fog had lifted and everything suddenly seemed so much clearer. We're good friends now, and I think we'll always be close. He will always have a place in my heart because he was my first real boyfriend, but I don't think I loved him. Like I said, I was trapped in a fog, which blinded me. I loved the idea of Ted, but I don't think I loved him. I wouldn't take back the last two years, but I definitely would have done a few things differently.
So like I've said, I am now completely happy. I now have college ahead of me and my senior year. And if I happen to find a person who is perfect for me this year, that's great. But if not, I have my entire life ahead of me. There are millions of guys out there and there is no point in crying over someone who is still a great friend.
If there is one thing I've learned from dating Ted, it is that you have to be careful not to lose yourself in someone else. There was a point when I was so absorbed in everything he did and said that I forgot who I was. I acted like the person he wanted me to be, and not the person I wanted to be.
***
As the first day of school is approaching, I can look back on the summer and say that I have had my share of fun. I've partied with strangers, sat by campfires, seen the ocean, and smiled.
I need to jump in the shower now, but I hope you're all enjoying the last few breaths of summer air. I know I am.
Always here,
Jess♥
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| I've spent a good portion of the last 8 years of myself obsessing over a fictional world--the world of Harry Potter. What amazes me is how involved so much of the world has become in this absolutely amazing series. As the 7th and final book comes out at midnight of Friday, I thought it would be only right to post a few words about the series and a few of my predictions as I know I will enjoy being able to look back and see what I thought, what I hoped, would happen.
First off, there is no way that Harry can die. There just isn't. What has scared me recently is that Jo has said that some people will absolutely hate the book. This made me a bit worried, but the truth is, I think more than some will hate the book if she kills Harry. The majority of people would hate it. And not only that, but it will be well known in the future the outcome of the series. It won't be a surprise like it is now. If Harry dies, and every kid knows Harry dies at the end, why would you ever want to read the series? It just doesn't make logical sense for JKR if she wants the series to be well remembered. I know that personally, killing Harry would be the biggest mistake. Ever.
Now, who will die? As much as I hate to say it, I think Hagrid and Remus Lupin just have to go. Lupin, being the last of the faithful marauders, will meet the same fate as his best friends James and Sirius. Hagrid, unfortunately, has survived the series way too long and been too close to the trio to make it through this last book. I would really like to see both of these characters come out unharmed, but I'm afraid it just won't happen. As for the Weasley's, the majority of people speculate that at least one of them has to go. To be perfectly honest, I don't see Jo killing any of the Weasley children as it would not serve any purpose other than to upset fans. Maybe Mr. or Mrs. Weasley will die, but I'm really not sure about it. Being one of the last decent pureblood families left, I would be really happy to see all of them come out of the war unharmed.
Snape. Gosh, I just don't know where to start with him. When I immediately finished reading Half-Blood Prince, there was no doubt in my mind that Snape was evil--pure evil. But as I went on forums and re-read the books, all the evidence points towards Snape actually being a decent guy. I think Jo tried incredibly hard to trick us all into thinking Snape was bad, but in the end, all the evidence shows that he is really good. What a surprise it will be if he turns out bad after all.
Wormtail owes Harry his life. And there is really nothing to say to that other than the fact that this will somehow be significant.
Ah, relationships. Hermione and Ron will ultimately end up together, which is why none of trio can die. Harry and Ginny will be reunited and FINALLY make babies, be happy, and live happily ever after.
And so that is a conclusion to my predictions.
Jo, I would like to thank you for the most amazing series of all the time. It is incredible how you have created this absolutely amazing world and have allowed so many fans to pour their heart and soul into forums, websites, and fan fiction. Harry Potter will always have a place in my heart.
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| You know what's funny? I go on xanga practically everyday, and yet, I never update. As I glance back over my previous entries, I realize that I only wrote an entry when I was mad and frustrated, and needed somewhere to vent.
So guess what I'm going to do right now? Vent. About Grey's Anatomy.
Now, don't get me wrong, I love Grey's Anatomy. In fact, I'm kinda obsessed. Since about mid-January, I've been constantly downloading episodes off i-tunes from previous seasons. Not because I haven't seen the episodes before--but because Derek and Meredith make me so incredibly happy. Watching them fall in love, and then struggle to be friends, and then fall in love all over again--it just makes me feel so happy. It gives me something to believe in.
So when my favorite couple--my ideal and perfect couple--start having problems, well, I get kinda pissed off. Not only was tonights 2 hour long episode mainly about Addison--but Derek has become a complete ass. He has abandoned Meredith constantly, and it just bothers me. Just a month ago he was crying hysterically over her "dead" body, and now he's sitting there saying, "I can't breath for you anymore." WHAT KIND OF CRAP IS THAT? I think all my frustration is stemming from the fact that I just spent 2 hours--TWO WHOLE HOURS--watching a show I used to be in love with.
It has just gotten pathetic lately. So Meredith's other mom dies, her dad slaps her, and Derek could give two shits about her. Thank you, Shonda. You have effectively ruined a perfectly good show.
I'm sorry to bother anyone who still seems to think the show is good--all I can say is that I'll stick the rest of the season out--and if Meredith and Derek do not end on good terms--well, Grey's can count me out.
As always,
Jess
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|  | Currently Watching
The Lion King (Disney Special Platinum Edition)
By Jonathan Taylor Thomas, Matthew Broderick, James Earl Jones, Jeremy Irons, Moira Kelly, Niketa Calame, Ernie Sabella, Nathan Lane, Robert Guillaume, Rowan Atkinson, Madge Sinclair, Whoopi Goldberg, Cheech Marin, Jim Cummings, Zoe Leader, Frank Welker, Cathy Cavadini, Judi M. Durand, Daamen J. Krall, David McCharen
see related |
I always find Halloween to be an interesting time of year. It's basically an excuse for everyone to pretend to be something they're not. And trust me, no one needs any more excuses for that. I went to a Halloween party on Friday night and let's just say it was interesting. Not only did I feel hoeish, I can't honestly remember much that went on that night (you do the implying). Did I mention I was a farmer? Enough said.
So tomorrow is actually the official holiday. In fact, I don't think we should have to go to school the next day because kids are up so late running on sugar highs. I remember when I was little and I used to get so excited to get all dressed up and go trick-or-treating in my neighborhood with my dad, brother, and a few other kids my age. Probably my favorite costume was when I was a giant M&M. Who doesn't like being a giant piece of candy?
Mhmm yeah so I think that just about wraps things up (no pun intended for mummies).
Alright kids, until next time.
Keep in mind that I'm always thinking about you.
kuddos, jess
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